Dread and Relief
by Joldino-Sidestreaker
Summary: When Jack is in his office after Canary Warf, he reads through the report of what happened. He gets distracted until one statement makes him run back to the report. "The Doctor saved us."
1. Chapter 1

**Dread and Relief**

Jack was sitting in his torchwood office reading the report on the battle at Canary Warf. He had told his team that things like that happened when the rift was messed with. Said team were now out cleaning up the damage done. He put down the report and stared at the roof trying to quell his frustration and the head of torchwood one, Yvonne Hartman and her stupidness of messing with the rift. He had been arguing with her about it for the entire three months it had been happening. He had gotten to the part where they had decided to open it one more time, so finding it boring jack put it down.

"How stupid can people be!" a voice from the lift stated. There was a round of agreements. "It's because they didn't fully understand what they were messing with. They thought they were being so clever but really they were just making it worse." Jack answered. He had come out of his office when he heard them arriving.

Owen stepped of the lift followed by Tosh, Gwen and an unfamiliar face. "And who is this?" jack asked his team who turned to face the new comer. It was Gwen who spoke "He said he was from Torchwood one." Jack looked over the slim man. "And how do we know that is true?" Jack said. The newcomer spoke for the first time, "My name is Ianto Jones and I was under Yvonne Hartman of Torchwood one." Jack just looked at him. "Good, no one but the heads and their workers know of the heads name. So if you were there, how did you survive? Did you run away or were you not there or what?" Jack asked curious to what happened and how the man in front of him survived because he didn't look like much.

Ianto took this as a good sign and answered the question. "The Doctor saved us." The simple statement had a few effects on jack. First was the shock that the Doctor was there, Second was the amusement that he was in the thick of everything and third was the dread, what about Rose. Gwen, Tosh and Owen were shocked at what Ianto said then at the looks on Jacks face. The shock grew more as Jack raced back to his office and grabbed the report.

When he grabbed the report he continued reading. "…Rose Tyler was in chamber with 4 Daleks along with one Mickey Smith." Jack was shaking as he read the report out loud, without realising his team had moved closer so they could hear him. "…Doctor and Rose opened the rift and sucked all the Daleks and Cybermen into the void, The doctor came out of the Building alone." Jack's heart felt like it stopped, he threw away the report and went for the list of the dead that were given to him. His eyes ran down to 'T' where he saw two names that made his heart cease functioning and his breath whoosh out of him. "Jackie Tyler and Rose Tyler."

Gwen though he sounded calm, like they were his enemies or something but when he turned around to face them, he just looked dead. "Rose Tyler, Oh, Rose." Jack murmured as he slumped down in his chair. The torchwood team were confused but were still full of curiosity at who Rose Tyler was.

Jack then did what no one though he would, he started crying. He had his hands over his eyes and he was shuddering at the sobs that wracked his frame. "no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" his voice had gotten louder after every word until he was yelling it. "My dear, sweet, innocent, Rose. Always following the Doctor into danger. Saving the universe, that's just like them. When I find him he's gonna wish he'd never met me!" Jack then picked up the chair on the other side of his desk and threw it with all his might into the window where it shattered.

Owen and Tosh decided he needed to get back under control but Gwen stood in their way, "he needs to get this out of his system, if you try to stop him, he might just attack you." The team just waited it out. Ianto however walked up to him, "The doctor told me something." Jack's head snapped up to meet Ianto's eyes "speak." Jack said in a dead tone. "He said, 'Rose Tyler defender of the earth and the Universe, saviour of everyone alive, is trapped in a parallel world with Jackie Tyler and Mickey Smith."

Jack's face shone with pure relief and happiness. He jumped up and grabbed Ianto in a massive hug with jack kissing him quite a few times all over Ianto's face. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The Torchwood three team were happy for Jack but still curious of who could get such a reaction from Jack Harkness.

Owen wanted answers so he asked "So, Jack. Who is Rose Tyler?" the whole torchwood team held their breath as the waited for an answer. His answer was confusing. "She's my type of girl with the right kind of Doctor." And with that said he walked out of the Torchwood hub.

Tosh looked at the rest of the team. "Does anyone want to help me with research?" the hub was motionless for a few moments then everyone ran to the computer and began the search on Rose Tyler.

_**AN:**_

_**I realise that Gwen joined Torchwood after canary Warf but I had to put her in because I don't like Suzy. **_

_**I also realise that Jack isn't supposed to know about rose being alive until 'Utopia' but I couldn't resist.**_

_**Hope you liked it, Review please.**_


	2. Important message

Dearest Readers,

I'm putting this message on all my stories, please hear me out this is very important.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 12, and I got help for it, mainly controlling my temper as I was a bit of a hot head. However, my depression remained in the background slowly building up and taking over my mind without me knowing. For many years I've been having suicidal thoughts and thinking of how meaningless life was with no real end goal, just working and wasting life away with nothing to truly keep me interested. I was surviving. Not living, surviving. I passed my day to day with no motivation for anything and my only enjoyment in life was reading.

When I was in year nine I remembered something I had forgotten and pushed to the back of my mind. When I was five, I was sexually abused by my babysitters 16 year old son. I don't remember much of what happened at all but it haunted me. I ended up telling one of my friends who didn't judge me for it and he encouraged me to tell my female friends. I ended up falling for him because of his support but he fell for my best friend and they started dating. That imacted my self-esteem badly. In actual fact most of my friends were guys but every time I liked one of them they liked my two female friends. I was fie with them going out, a bit bitter to begin with but I supported them. They were my friends and I loved them all dearly.

When I was in year 12, my life was not kind to me. It wasn't horrible or bad but it was detrimental to my mental health. My parents couldn't stand being in the same room as each other always arguing, my dog was sick, my school work was poor and I just felt disconnected from everything. The weeks leading up to my year 12 exams, my mother told my father that she wanted a divorce. We you can guess how that went down. So I had that pressure on my shoulders when I should have been completely focused on my exams. Then the week before my exams, my mother informed me that we were getting my dog, who I loved to pieces, was getting put down. I had yelled at them about doing this to me before my exams and it seemed like they had completely forgotten about my exams. I actually broke down while at school. My friends rarely ever see me cry and so it must have shocked them pretty bad.

After year 12 was finished then my mother moved out of our house and into her own unit. I went to live with her because my father and I had similar temper issues and had been at each other's throats a lot as well as the fact my mother lived in the area my friends lived in. Dad and I became closer as we believed that what mum had done was very low.

I had my friends support. By best friend and her parents told me I could live with them if I wanted to and I did at one point for a week. However because of this issue my thoughts were usually very dark and depressing.

When I finished year 12, my parents never pressured me or anything but I felt it was expected of me to go to uni and since I thought life was pointless I didn't have any real goal for my future and so chose something I thought would be easy enough. I was reluctant to go to uni and although not one was pressuring me, I felt they would be disappointed if I didn't go. I stuck it out as best I could but my mental state went down greatly. I put very little effort into my uni work and in the end just stopped going and submitting assignments. After the year finished I had decided not to go back.

During my break I went back home telling myself that I would not go back and I would end my life. Most of my friends had birthdays in that time my own included so I kept putting it off not wanting to destroy their birthdays with such a selfish thing. I never told anyone anything. My mother and her new boyfriend kept pressuring me about my uni and I just tried to brush it away. This pressuring or what I saw as pressuring cause me to have dark thoughts majority of the day every day. I would often sit in the spar and think of drowning myself.

On the 2nd of March 2015, I tried to commit suicide. Unfortunately or fortunately for me, what I did wasn't enough and I was taken to hospital. I told them of why I did it and I agreed that I would probably try again because of my thought process.

In the early hours of the morning I was placed into the mental health ward. After visits from doctors and talking with the nurses I was put on Anti-depressants and remained in the ward for almost a week.

During that week my mother, who had found me and called the hospital, had informed my family of what I had done and why. I felt ashamed of myself but at the same time I was disappointed that it didn't work.

I was let out of the ward for weekend leave, and during that time I called my elder sister who had been very worried. I found out that every single person in my family were shocked and it came as a complete surprise to them. I was visited by my father who also suffered from depression and he told me that he had tried to commit suicide once too, but it didn't work.

When I was in the ward I had a lot of time to think. My family helped me in any way they could. They called up to get me leave from the uni, they made sure I was taken care of. They even spoke to each other for the first time in a year and a bit just to help me.

Once I was released from the ward, I decided to live with my dad since he knew what I was going through better than my mother. One thing I was scared of was the responses I would get from my family. My uncle who I adore and loved dearly was going to forgo a trip to visit his girlfriend to come up here and visit.

I felt ashamed of myself. I felt like I had disappointed him. However he culd not visit so I called him. I was shocked to find that he himself had once tried to end it but it didn't work out.

It had been a few weeks since I attempted to end my life, but now that its out there and I have help, I feel great. I can't remember the last time I have felt this happy and free of pressures. I even apologised to my ex-boyfriend who I had hurt with my foul attitude and my reluctance to be with him after it was I who initiated the relationship.

I'm not writing this to get out my sob story but I'm writing it to get it out there to people who are like me and as a warning. No one ever had any indication of my mental state and I never let on. I may have broken down a few times while drunk and let them know my thoughts but I'm fairly certain they just brushed it off.

I urge anyone who has dark thoughts to speak to someone about it because I guarantee there are people who will help and not judge you for it. Everyone I have spoken to have never judged and if you have people who love you they will help you in any way. There are people on the Beyond Blue website who you can talk to and they are really good.

You can even talk to me. I am willing to listen and give advice on what I've been through and my father who is helping me through this incident. Please don't give up. You never know what's right around the corner of the road called life.

Depression is a serious thing and unfortunately it is very common. It's not just an issue for middle aged people. I'm only 19 and it completely consumed me. Its not just something that happens to people who have had hard lives it happens to anyone and I don't have a hard life. I have family who loves me I have a roof over my head, I have a good education, I have enough money to live comfortably with my parents and im not made to do anything I don't want to. People may tell me I was just doing it for attention but I wasn't. I firmly believed there was no point to life and it still crossed my mind every now and again.

Please don't let it fester, talk to someone.

Here is my email if anyone wants to talk: fanfiction4eva9_9

Joldino


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